The Town of Pelham will partner with a multinational pharmaceutical company to turn the old Haist Street arena property into a publicly-owned cannabis and opium poppy grow operation, say multiple sources, speaking on condition of anonymity.
Town Council voted March 18 against selling the old arena lands despite the results of a survey showing some 85% residents supporting the sale, perplexing many observers.
Sources reveal, however, that this was a mechanism to postpone the matter until tonight’s regular council meeting, at which the joint operating agreement will be ratified.
“Well, I guess the possum is out of the bag,” said Mayor Marvin Junkin, when reached for comment late Sunday evening.
“Look, council was just getting together at Piper’s to mend some fences over a beer, when in comes a couple of slick corporate types with some free product samples and a lot of blah-blah-blah. Next thing we know is, we wake up at a casino in the Falls, with copies of signed MOUs [memoranda of understanding] stapled to our clothes. It was all pretty sudden, to tell you the truth. But at least we’re all agreed on something for a change.”
The Town will enter into a public-private partnership with Sasquatch Cannabis and Opium LLC, the Canadian arm of Sasquatch Global Pharma, headquartered in Kabul, Afghanistan.
According to the company’s website, Sasquatch is partnered with PR firm Hannibal Lecter Associates “to promote the sustainable production of nature’s finest narcotics to the widest possible sustainable audience in pursuit of the highest sustainable profit margins possible.”
Other Hannibal Lecter clients include the Quebec firm SNC-Lavelin, the Sultan of Brunei, and, recently, Boeing.
The bombshell revelation is likely to rile a significant swath of Pelham residents, including those living in proximity to the 1120 Haist Street property, who were already peeved at the prospect of residential development at the site.
Speaking not for attribution, a chartered accountant, whose firm has consulted with the Town regarding its financial woes, said that the move is actually a win-win.
“Do you realize how much profit these grow-ops generate? Millions per month. You’ll have that new community centre paid off in two years, tops. Plus, these Afghan guest workers, they know their stuff. And with 250 to 300 of them coming over, local businesses are going to love it.”
Another source told the Voice that in the days leading up to the March 18 vote not to sell the arena, representatives from the Buffalo Bills inquired about the land for a long-discussed new stadium. The Town reportedly declined to meet with the NFL team.
“Nobody wants a 75,000-seat stadium in Fonthill,” the source said. Primo dope, though, that’s different.”
Comment requests of all councillors but one went unanswered on Sunday evening. Only Councillor John Wink provided a brief statement.
“I live six doors away from the property. I will recuse myself from the vote.”
When reached at home by telephone, Pelham’s Interim CAO, Teresa Quinlin, paused for several seconds after being asked to confirm that Town staff were preparing the appropriate motions for tonight’s council meeting.
“One way or another,” Quinlin said, “these deferred capital expenses from prior years are getting paid for without taking out another debenture. End of story.”
April Fuelles is a freelance reporter whose stories appear annually on April 1, and are aimed solely at readers with a healthy sense of humour. Readers not so equipped are invited to direct their ire to [email protected]
