Short-lived are the days of macaroni art and dandelion bouquets. So too are the days of the idealized mother – you know, the mother described in those Hallmark cards full of half-truths and impossible standards – the mother before she finally becomes. . . a person.
I'll always remember the time when my daughter moved home after university. One day she said to me, “You know, I resisted moving back at first, but it’s been nice to get to know you as a person and not just a parent.”
I can’t think of a nicer gift – the gift of being seen not just as her mom, but as a person. A person as complex as she is. A person who also needs love and support through life’s challenges. A person who has grown and changed and matured, just as she has. Because we all know motherhood is not the stuff of Hallmark cards. Mistakes will be made. We’re all just doing the best we can. Some days go better than others. While I love feeling honoured and cherished with a special day (and a pricey Eggs Benny), what matters more is to have grown children whom I’m proud of and thankful for. Children who see the many dimensions of my humanness.
Mistakes will be made. We’re all just doing the best we can. Some days go better than others.
The older I get, the more I understand and appreciate my mother and all the ways she has been shaped and has shaped me. Her universe is inside me, and so is her bodily-ness. Oh, the bodily-ness! Like when I get up from the sofa at night doing her signature stumble-wobble. Or when I look in the mirror at my aging face, there she is, staring back at me. My husband delights in reminding me that I’m turning into my mother. Yes, I am, and I couldn’t be luckier or more grateful to still be able to curl into her comfort. But at 92, the ground is always shifting and I’m ever mindful of the mother she is now.
Motherhood is a mixed bag of perseverance, naiveté, and grace. My daughters are discovering that now that they are moms. (Dear daughters, repeat after me: Mistakes will be made. We’re all just doing the best we can. Some days go better than others.) And while I’m not “in the thick of it” anymore, my heart is always on. Because moms never stop momming.
All mothers hope that one day our kids will come to know us not just as their mom, but as a person with needs and desires and our fair share of foibles. But if not, they’ll always know us as the foundation of their being.
From childhood to motherhood to personhood
Your life was ours, which is with you.
Go on your journey. We go too.
~ John Fuller (from Lullaby)
