Not surprisingly and as I pretty much anticipated, most of the reaction to my recent boo-hoo lament about hitting 65 has come from readers 10 and 20 years ahead of me, which is probably a good 50 percent of this column's readership demographic (fine by me—shakes fist—These kids today! Wearing pyjamas to school?! Fetch the smelling salts!).
The gist of the feedback is also not surprising (nor comforting), namely: I ain't seen nothin' yet. There are some real fun times ahead. Which reminds me of a quote I read in, of all places, Bob Hope's autobiography (a curbside lending library selection), in which he recounts in turn what some geezer had told him: Aging wouldn't be so bad if only it didn't last so long.
Old Ski Nose made it to 100. He released a comedy album by the same moniker that I happened to run across last weekend. You can listen to it for free here. Frustratingly, the internet is distinctly unhelpful in revealing when it was released, but I'd guess these are clips from his radio show from the 1940s into the early '50s. Jack Benny and Judy Garland show up. The B-36 bomber gets a mention.
One reader notes that if I were 10 years older I might have remembered not just the AIDS pandemic of the '80s, but an earlier public health crisis that particularly afflicted children.
"It was the summer of 1956 and I couldn't go swimming," he writes. "All the pools were closed. Because of polio. I also couldn't go next door to see my friend Jimmy. He was at the hospital in an iron lung. Reading up on polio today I learned a lot that was unknown to the 7-year-old me. The polio virus caused mild symptoms in most cases, did awful things far too often. That year's flu strain was kinder—it only killed. Adding to the terror was the fact that the manner of transmission was unclear. It was well after Salk and Sabin had become heroes that fecal matter was identified as the vector, much the same as hepatitis A."
Which in turn reminded me of an older friend, who did contract polio as a youth, spent months in an iron lung, called it the worst experience of his life, and once his treatment was finished vowed to maintain an unrelentingly positive outlook on life. And it's true that I've known no one who matched his ability to roll with the punches.
In 1937, there were 4000 cases of polio in Canada—2500 with 119 deaths in Ontario alone. Canadian cases peaked in 1953 at nearly 9000, with 500 deaths.
In 1959, there were 1200 Americans in iron lungs, many whose chest muscles were permanently paralyzed. Some spent the rest of their lives confined. In 2009, a North Carolina woman died at 72, having spent 61 years in an iron lung. The same year an Australian died after living 60 years in an iron lung, and just this past March, a 78-year-old Dallas man died after spending his entire life past the age of 6 in an iron lung. This leaves a single known iron lung patient in the US: Martha Lillard, 76, who contracted polio during her 5th birthday party at an amusement park.
In widespread distribution by 1955, the polio vaccine is one of medicine's greatest successes, essentially wiping out the disease in North America by the early '70s.
Of course, Trump's detestable nominee for health secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., has a long history of spreading debunked misinformation about vaccine efficacy, including for polio. A lawyer he closely works with has petitioned the US federal government to withdraw approval for the polio vaccine. Let that sink in.
In recent weeks RFK Jr. has attempted to walk back his more extremist comments to improve the odds of his senate confirmation, but if and when he's in the job who knows what fresh hell may be coming the world's way at the hands of these clowns. As the Rotarians—who have immunized some 2.5 billion children in 122 countries— like to say, "Polio is just a plane ride away," a maxim proved right in 2022 when an unvaccinated New York resident contracted polio, likely from an overseas visitor. Would it count as ironic if this visitor transited JFK airport, as John Kennedy's nephew and his crackpot cronies aim to Make Polio Great Again?
What you paid attention to this year
As is traditional across the media universe, 'tis the time for ye olde look back at the year in the form of those stories that particularly caught your attention in 2024. In no particular order, these were:
The butcher of Fonthill
The long-delayed conclusion to the prosecution of Fonthill butcher Richard Lowes for sexual assault, ending in a plea deal that saw three sexual assault charges bargained down to two assault charges.
Staying in balance
Our health and wellness columnist John Swart's piece on the surprising type of activity that research proves best maintains physical and cognitive function got plenty of attention.
The drag strip
Our June story about resident concerns with speeding on Port Robinson Road, 'This is like living next to the 401,' racked up big numbers as well. It was at least our third article on the same issue over the last few years. Finally, despite staff reservations, the Town installed a three-way stop at Port Robinson and Klager late in the summer. (Apropos of what's coming below, stop signs, not reduced speed limits.)
Cafe society
A few thousand readers also licked their chops at the prospect of the new cafe, Stoke, in Fonthill, at the northeast corner of Pelham St. and Hwy 20, eagerly devouring our interview with owners Cait Bermuhler and her wife Jess Marshall.
Baker Street (minus the sax riff)
Continuing the culinary theme, two entries about the same location drew heavy readership. The first was yours truly's column in August about the departure of yet another Fonthill fixture, Indulgence Bakery, with owner Paul Roode hanging up his apron. Then in December our interview with Bar Kirshon, the owner of a new bakery coming to the same space, The Baking Bar (get it?), which is set to open just a few days from now.
The ex-con
In more convicted offender news, in July we confirmed that disgraced ex-family doctor Charles Duncan was released from prison, having served 10 months of a 15-month sentence for committing six counts of sexual assault in relation to five complainants in instances dating back to 1999. Since the Voice first broke the accusations against Duncan back in 2019, public interest in the case was understandably intense.
You wanna see da ducks? It's gonna cost ya
Moderate mayhem ensued in early summer when the NPCA stealthily installed parking lot gates at St. Johns Conservation Area, apparently intending to start charging visitors for access, a plan that was hastily scuttled in the face of public outcry and a motion by NPCA board member Diana Huson to rescind the paid-parking decision.
Left in the dark
It could have been big but was largely a bust—this was the much-ballyhooed total solar eclipse in April, mostly obscured from Niagara viewers by clouds, though pockets of clear skies were present here and there. Don't worry, the next total eclipse will be here before you know it, on October 26, 2144. Can't wait to see what aging has done to me by then.
Hit the road, Jack
Finally, the second-best-read story of 2024 (the best-read was the Port Robinson speeding story), but indisputably the most talked about was this year's April Fools entry, namely the Town's alleged plan to reduce the speed limit to 20 km/h and install dozens of enforcement cameras. It's a story that had it all. Our "reporter" ("April Fuelles") not only described the agonizing new travel time to get from Mossimo's to the 406 (35 minutes!), but also the rental cost of speed cameras ($2.8 million!) to be paid by us taxpayers to a foreign manufacturer (Dutch!) via increased property taxes ($1200 annually!).
What gave the story that almost-believable veneer of plausibility was that (a) speed cameras had indeed been going up all over the province and recently in Niagara, and (b) the ludicrous suggestion, to put it politely, put forward by certain Town Councillors who shall remain unidentified (don't make me cough their names!), that municipal speed limits should genuinely be reduced to 40 km/h. Taking the contrary view are Town staff, common sense, and all that is holy. But as with other very bad ideas, the tiny grain of logic that animates this particular attempt to solve a problem in the least effective way possible is like the proverbial undead, a zombie that just keeps coming back and coming back. We'll see whether it lurches into life again in 2025.
Finally, a year-ending treat that won't be for everyone: A friend of mine clued me into this exceptionally unusual and very funny film, while at the same time saying he didn't quite get the humour. Well, funny stuff is like that. A Guardian film reviewer included it among his best films of the year, while also slightly snarkily noting that it wouldn't likely be on many "Boomer MSM" lists, i.e., the graybeard mainstream media's anointed overseers of What's Deserving of Praise.
The film is Hundreds of Beavers, a non-stop string of visual gags involving a would-be fur trapper battling nature (mostly beavers), presented in black and white, inspired by the madcap slapstick comedy of Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, and other silent film stars of the 1920s—but yet even more clever. Insanity distilled, as one commenter puts it, hilariously. It's on Amazon Prime Video and free to Prime members. The trailer is below. And that's a wrap for 2024, folks. Here's hoping the coming year isn't as politically and economically tumultuous as seems to be shaping up. (Canadian dollar at 50 cents US, anyone?)
Best New Year's wishes to you and yours. See you in January.
